I'm still alive.

Here is something I wrote in my journal, dated April 5, 2008. I thought I'd share it with y'all. If I remember correctly, it was inspired after reading some in Isaiah and some in Jeremiah, two of my favorite books. 

My heart knows only joy

From the One who conquers love. 

Praise Him.

His love enfolds me, covers me. 

The peace He brings, the love 

He offers coats my lungs, 

fills my veins,

and pours out of my fingertips. 

That He would bring me only 

deeper into True love, True joy, and True peace. 

late nights, bullets, revelations, and other great things.

Hello again. I am up late again, as usual. My night owl tendencies have evolved from 11 pm to sometimes 2 or 3 am. It's been rough. It's not that I'm not tired; in fact, I'm usually pretty exhausted. I lay down to sleep and sleep won't come. It's so frustrating to lie in bed, bone-tired, and not be able to sleep. So, I get up and read or listen to music or sit at the computer. Basically, I'm really tired. I slept well the other day for the first time in a long time, and I think it was because we had security training. 

I can't tell you too much about it, but it is very intense. I slept well these past few nights because it is so draining, emotionally and mentally. I ache at the end of every day even though I've been sitting for hours. It is stressful hearing what might happen, and it is a lot of information to take in on how to handle various situations. Let's just say that the company did very well at creating mock interrogation sessions, as well as "takedowns," real bullets and all. Everything was pretty realistic, ie, I was scared out of my mind when my name got called to go to the "playroom," as they so lovingly called it. The good news is that I made it out alive, and my session wasn't even a real interrogation. In all of this, I was certainly taken to the throne of God so much. God gave me John 15, as He has done many times in the past: I must simply abide in Him. 

My time here is beginning to wrap up, and I hate it. I am happy to go, and I'm so ready, but I'm finally getting into a groove here. Isn't that how life is? You get "comfortable," and then God removes you from that situation as fast as you got there. This has been a great experience, and I am so blessed to have made friends and memories here. Even throughout the stressful week, I was able to hang out and de-stress with some friends. Last night and tonight have been so fun and refreshing. I can truly say that I've made some lifelong friends here and can't wait to see what God has in store for them. While I will be sad to leave them, I know that God's purposes for all of us involves scattering us around the world; the beautiful thing is that we are all bonded by a common purpose of the Gospel and it's going forth. 

So yeah. That's all for now. I can't wait to see Athens friends. My family is anxiously awaiting my return, and I am so excited to see them, too. I miss everyone, but I miss my mommy the most. It is certainly true that home is wherever the people are who love you the most. 

Here's to sweet dreams and the promise of rest. Peace out. :)

here's to learning how to live.

here's to

waking up to the rain. early morning coffee, caramel and vanilla and cinnamon swirling together. good talks. old memories and new memories.

here's to 

splashing in puddles. laughing until your stomach hurts. healthy ambition and making plans. dancing. 

here's to 

cheesy movies. the sun poking through the clouds. emergence into nature. flying kites. 

here's to 

family, even when my blood isn't near me. loving on children, little hands holding mine. surprises. new music. 

here's to 

invitations to party. being a kid again, singing and twirling. reading someone's mind and knowing they can read yours. late nights. 

here's to 

games that make no sense. peanut butter and ritz crackers at 1 am. coming home to community. journaling. 

here's to

hysterically awkward situations. cuddling. disney songs at the top of my lungs. the promise of changing leaves, coolness in the air. 

here's to people, to love, to time alone, to reflection, to answered prayer. to the song that He gives me when we're alone. 

it's best to write at night, i find that honesty comes quicker. would that God give me a mindset so transparent that Truth flows from within to all i encounter. that streams of living water would flow from within me, that He would speak, not me. 

what a blessed day. to God, may i always say "i am Yours, may you accomplish in me Your work and purpose." i'm about to jump, will you let me go? the adventure i seek is Him, there is nothing more exciting than following Jesus. you should go too. 

much love and rest.