A month and five days after my last post, I find myself in a very different state of mind now. I'll try not to wax too poetic in this post, but be forewarned that God is moving in my heart like He hasn't (or at least like I haven't recognized) in a long while. Because of these lessons, many of them difficult to swallow, I've been fairly introspective, moreso than usual. In an attempt to just wait and "be inspired" to blog, I instead journaled a lot over the last month; this blog post, I think, will be paraphrasing much of what I've written in my journal. Here we go...
Lesson 1: Keeping myself in God's love. Jude 21 says "Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life..." This verse, though I've read it a lot, jumped out at me on Feb. 17. After our Valentine's Party (which went very well--thank you for your prayers), Peru celebrated "Dia del Amor/Dia de Amistad" for about a week, and I was reminded that there is no greater love in this universe greater than the love of God.
Lesson 2: Only God can point people to Himself, I am just a vessel. I think as each day passes, I'm reminded that this is a lifelong lesson. I've started to read the Psalms, and I am continually in awe of His power.
Lesson 3: God spreads His protection over me. I read Psalm 3 on Feb. 18: "But You are a shield around me, O Lord; You bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and He answers me from His holy hill." The end of last month was filled with whispers from the Lord that He is my protector, in everything: In physical trials, in my emotional/mental state, and in my spiritual life. Little did I know that I would enter into a trying time in which He would spread His protection over me (Psalm 5).
Lesson 4: I now have the supernatural ability to replace my mind with that of Christ. He has set me free from myself, praise God. I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. See Galatians 2:20...Enough said.
Lesson 5: Spiritual warfare is a reality. At Iglesia Refugio last week, we talked about being "mas que vencedores." "Sea preparada," He says, and that "mis armas no son de este mundo..." ("more than conquerors," "be prepared," and "our weapons are not of this world," all from 2 Corinthians). I've not felt so spiritually attacked in a long time. The last few weeks have been rough, and I covet your prayers: Pray that I flee all temptation, pray that I give no foothold to Satan, pray that I am given strength to persevere, pray that I choose to be joyful, and pray that God continues to refine me into a fisher of men. Perhaps more than anything, pray against the work of the Devil here, for he is moving; instead, pray in the name of Jesus that hearts are turned towards Him and that revival starts in Arequipa.
Lesson 6: Offering a sacrifice of praise. Again, fairly self-explanatory. In times of trouble, I learn what it is to praise the name of God, even when it is the hardest thing to do. Ultimately, it seems to be the only thing I can do.
Lesson 7: Repentance...and grace to forgive. I can be so stupid sometimes; even when I am told by the Lord that I have the mind of Christ and He has given me power over my enemies, I make some dumb decisions. I falter. I mess up. I'm still dirty...But His blood washes over me and makes me clean. God is faithful to forgive when I ask for forgiveness and acknowledge my sin. What incredible grace, what deep love He has for me; I cannot fathom it. I just know that the grace of God covers me everyday. Perhaps even more lovely: He gives me grace to forgive others, even when it is the last thing I want to do.
March 11: I was up around 3:30 because I could not sleep, I had an ache in my stomach. After speaking to the Lord about some things, He granted me sleep. The next morning I woke and praised Him and spent time in His presence. The first shuffled song that came up on my ipod was called "The Sun is Shining," by Third Day. One of my favorite bands, but not necessarily one of my go-to songs. Mac P. put words to what I was feeling that morning: "Yesterday I lost everything I had and loved. I cried out for you Lord, and You picked me up. The sorrow lasted through the night, but the joy came with the morn. The sun is shining...there is hope for me again."
How lovely that in the midst of struggle, He is shown strong in me. In the moment of my weakness, Christ Jesus is glorified because His power is made perfect. That's been a great lesson. Growing closer to the Lord, seeing His hand of protection, hearing His whisper of love, being encouraged in small, surprising moments...those times make this whole mess worth it. Jesus is worth it.
I praise God for these difficult times. I rejoice in Him for making Himself known. I glory in Him just because. Finally, I thank Him for the Body of Christ. I've been encouraged by you, and I thank you for your prayers. I would list you all, but there are too many, and this is already massive. People aren't kidding: This life is hard. But it isn't hard just because I'm in Peru. I'm learning more every day that being a Follower of Jesus Christ is a difficult path. I'd encounter hardship in Georgia, maybe in a different way than I encounter it here. But for now, with the knowledge that I am in obedience to Christ, the fact that He has placed me here for His purpose is all I need to know.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. James 1:2-3
